UNCANNY X-FORCE: The Apocalypse Solution

  Jeezus. Are comic books cool yet? Or is it cool to say that you like comics and then not read them? Cos' my new favorite comic book ( I really mean Porn Princess) is UNCANNY X-FORCE , (and by X-FORCE , I mean Scarlett Pain). And I've been reading UNCANNY X-FORCE comics so hard all nite my poor little hands hurt. (!?!?!?!?!?!)
    I read alot of comics and i read about comics and it seems like the majority of us are self hating comic book freak creeps! Since super heroes are for kids comic fans seem to dis on super heroes and pretend to like stuff like LOVE AND ROCKETS , MAUSE , HARVEY PEKAR or play it safe and stick with THE WATCHMEN  and DARK KNIGHT RETURNS and are all like , " He look , I'm reading non superhero books that are important pieces of work that assholes , dumb girls , and faggots might like , can I get laid now?" So fuck those comic book elitist ass eater , I'm down here in the trenches , I am like a kick ass version of Frodo Baggins reading books in the woods , or at subway , or under your little sisters bed with her panties tied around my head RAMBO style reading UNCANNY X-FORCE!!

    Those asshole aint got the time or the BALLZ to read UNCANNY X-FORCE! UNCANNY X-FORCE is made up of Wolverine , team leader , Deadpool , team clown/joker/bufoon , Psylocke , hot asian babe , Fantomex , badass , and Archangel , another deadly killer. And they fuck shit up and put the hurt on the bad guys before they can do it to them.
    This is the 2nd time I have read this and it's even better the second time around. Writer , Rick Remender is brilliant , he is Rock N' Roll personified and comes up with such great stories , really good dialogue without resorting to ripping off Quentin Tarantino movies or referencing pop culture , and trying to be constantly funny and witty. NO~~! Everything he does leads to making a A number 1 badass story.

    And artist Jerome Opena is a equally talented artist! He makes his drawings move and catches the point of action to where the drawings look like they are shimmering a bit on the page! I love this guy and I hope Marvel is treating him correct. They don't want this dude leaping to DC or Image , but I can see him going to DARKHORSE. It's easy to see how much effort he puts into his craft but makes it look so easy! I wish I could draw like him. There are alot of legendary comic book artists but Jerome Opena is truly a herald of the new breed of outstanding artists and should be noticed and commended.
    Plus these amazing covers by Esad Ribic!!! Are just phenomenal and these three working together is just guaranteed comic book greatness. But no one knows , no one knows! I mean , if you love comics like I love comics seeing this stuff just makes you feel better even through lifes daily bullshit! Somehow I still get excited for this stuff and that in itself makes me feel better and gives me hope.

     Hope for what , I really can't say but I love reading comics while listening to music and being alone in another world and the plane of UNCANNY X-FORCE is a place I can go where no one fucks with me and I can chill and be happy and where can you get that these days in this world. Give it a chance , trudge on down to your local library and get some UNCANNY X-FORCE. That's the easy part , hard part is giving in and letting yourself go into their world. It's a bit intimidating at first with all these characters you don't know but you'll slip into in no time. Do it for me because you may be a mean scared little human , but your my mean scared little human , and I love you. -Arty

A BREED APART (1984) VHS Review

    Who can deny the screen power of Rutger Hauer? Well , I did back in 1984 when A BREED APART came out on hbo. But I was a lil' snotnosed punk , what did I know?  I must have known him because of BLADERUNNER , by then. And you know all about BLADERUNNER but A BREED APART is about mountain climbing AND egg collecting....no WOW here.I found this tape at the Salvation Army for fiddy cents and Rutger Hauer looks like a badass on the cover! He looks like he could partner up with Mad Max , Snake Pliskin ,  Wolverine , or be The Punishers Vietnam war buddy. Or he could be the adversary of any of these characters. And he looks exactly the same in the movie as he does on the cover. And you guys love Rutger , right? I like every movie I have seen him in. There's something about him , something likeable , he's cool and mysterious and kinda crazy. He's so much more charasmatic than say Sam Worthington , channing Tatum , Vin Diesel , I even like him more than Marky Mark , Matt Damon , Van Damme and Russell Crow.

     So I watched A BREED APART and it was pretty good and mostly because of Rutger. He's a Vietnam vet and has a crossbow and has some crazy hair going on. He would have made a good BADGER if they had made a BADGER movie in the mid 80's. Plus Powers Booth , who is kind of a bad guy but kind of good but Powers is better when he's all bad like in EXTREME PREJUDICE. And we got good ol' donald Pleasance , a little titty action from Kathleen Turner and Brion James! I read up a bit on A BREED APART and there is a reason it comes off as uneven but it's too boring to go into in this review but there is a reason it is spotty in parts and anticlimactic. It has a decent action scene in the middle but the ending is just like , eh , here's a ending. Like a tv movie ending.

    If you are a Rutger Hauer fan I totally recommend this movie and I thought it was a rare find but I looked it up on amazon and it is a buck without shipping so it's there at a cheap price.

    Now , I'd like to hear from other Rutger fans and what you think of this movie if you've seen it and your fave Rutger Hauer movie besides BLADERUNNER. We all love it so no need to re-hash it. So let me know folks , I really wanna know~! /arty

THE MUTILATOR

     Howl like a werewolf , like I do , to the B-Movie gods. Or to the Old Ones , the Deep Ones or Satan if he's your bag of tricks 'cos I finally saw THE MUTILATOR! I've always heard about it but just never got around to getting it 'cos it cost over $25.00 on amazon. Which it is definitely not worth , but if you are as indepth and seriously crazy about horror movies , especially 80's slashers than you sorta have to see THE MUTILATOR. And after seeing it it got me thinking what makes a good horror movie. THE MUTILATOR is not as good as FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 4 , or HALLOWEEN , or NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET but it is still good , better than %80 of other 80's slashers and for sure better than todays wannabe slashers but not as good as THE HILLS HAVE EYES remake , or SEVERANCE , or BLADE 2. And then I though how THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN: Kravens Last Hunt which is at heart a horror story and is a AWESOME story , so well thought out and executed. Why can't slashers be this deep and memorable as Kravens Last Hunt?
     THE MUTILATOR  was made in 1985 , smack dab in the middle of the 80's so it has that decades charm and the gore efx and great and it does have a lonely windswept atmosphere to it and the music is pretty good. Plus the killer is a little different than usual and if you could find it for $10.00 , maybe even $15.00 , it would be worth it to add to your slasher collection. /arty

Skoffin/Arsinal show this friday July 12 2013

    In a dark and violent not too distant future , (this friday) Thrash Metal rules the wasteland. A burnt out world populated by roaving gangs of Speed Metal mutants , Thrashaholic Metalheadz , and zombies in a neverending battle for babes , beer , and Heavy Metal. Amidst these crazed and murderous clans of scumbags emerges the Skoffin/Arsinal alliance of dirtweed Headbangers and they have set their sights on the Metal ravaged streets of San Antonio. Friday , July 12th 2013 these long haired Mexican wasteoids will do operation: Clean Sweep exterminating everything within a 100 yard radius of the 1011 clubhouse on Ave B off of Broadway.

    But they won't be inflicting savage Thrash violence entirely alone. Local Thrash demons Kulprett Kommand ,  Infernal Death , and austins Firestarter 82 will join in to partake in the rapin' and pillaging of local natives. So thanx in advance to Jaime of Hogwild for booking this show of titanic violence and force and every San Antonio Metalhead should go to this show and support are out of state Metal bros in Arsinal and Skoffin. These bastards are traveling a long way , all the way from Cali to play for us and I am going and will buy as much merch as I can afford to help these Metal Warriors get on down the road. Babes , beers, and weed aint free and you can't eat Metal for all the good it does mind and soul. And thanx to Arsinal and Skoffin for coming to San Antonio and to Thrash it up and drink a few beers with us! I'm bringing issues of my zine Mondo Sleazo to give to you guys as well , so hope it's alot of fun  
but I am not drinking 'cos I just got off probation for drunk driving and scared shitless of getting in trouble again but I do aim to have a good time! @rty/Mondo Sleazo

typical Arsinal/Skoffin mutant fan

THE UNDERGROUND UNLEASHED!

   Jeezus CHRIST!!! Not only am I into comic books and horror/sci-fi/exploitation movies but all kinds of Heavy Metal!! Death , doom , thrash , grindcore , and some black metal. Dammit to hell I'm kind of a hoarder I guess. Oh yeah and books and sasquatch......asian porn too. Go ahead , judge 'cos of course YOU don't watch asian porn. Usually I get my Metal from amazon , sometimes through labels like Razorback Records , and smalll distros like Reality Impaired and Necrotic Recs , but I have a friend on facebook who does his own distro called The Underground Unleashed. His name is Chris Castillo and he's a cool dude and I have ordered from him twice now. He's a fellow Texan but transplanted to Lansing , Michigan and I now trust Chris and just got my order from him today , a scant few hours ago as a matter of facr. Thanx Chris! He does these cool bundle packages of the cd , shirt , and button or patch or something and I got the the female fronted DEMONA - Metal Through Time cd. I listened to a couple of songs and it's pretty good. I chuckled a bit at first 'cos of Tanzas vocals but realized that english is her second language and she sounds even better in her native tongue , which is Spanish I believe. The music is pure Heavy Metal Thrash with a good sound and while her vocals could be stronger they give DEMONA a unique sound. Like if I heard them on the radio and I didn't know it was them I would be able to recognize them because of her vocals. Hopefully they will become stronger but I hope she doesn't change them too much or get too guttural. So check out Chris's facebook pg and the Underground Unleashed pg he has , send him a friend request and check out his distro list , and check back on it

My man Chris!

because he updates it frequently 'cos he's always getting new stuff , and even then if you don't see something you want hit Chris up and he could probably find something you want. So once again thanx Chris and I will be ordering again very soon.
  
@rty/mondosleazo

heres a pic of Tanzas Metal warrior soul

DEMON DOGS!! LORDS OF LIGHT!!

    You gotta remember this awesome cartoon? You do , don't you? It came out in 1980 and ran for 2 seasons. Almost 34 yrs ago. I saw the dvd set on amazon and I want to get it but I have a vhs tape of THUNDARR that I recorded on ep mode so I almost got 6 hrs of THUNDARR! IIIIEEEEE! They even came out with toys in the early 2000's and have shirts as well! Where was all this shit when I was 10 yrs old and really needed these things? I will buy a THUNDARR shirt and I would get a toy but it's just not the same. It'll still be cool but even though I have somehow held onto being a child a little bit you will never get that joy of wonder and being completely enveloped by a cartoon , toys , or games like you did when we were kids.


    And here are some questions about THUNDARR that have plagued deep in the middle of the nite when I am alone contemplating secrets of the universe;

1)DID THEY MAKE THE THUNDARR CARTOON DIRECTLY BECAUSE OF THE POPULARITY OF CONAN THE BARBARIAN MOVIE?

2) WHY DIDN'T THEY MAKE THUNDARR TOYS BACK IN THE 80'S WHEN THE CARTOON WAS AIRING?

3) WAS A MOVIE ABOUT THUNDARR EVER TOYED WITH?

4) WHY DIDN'T MARVEL PICK IT UP AS A COMIC?

5) IF YOU COULD HAVE THUNDARR CROSS OVER WITH ANY OTHER CHARACTER WHO WOULD YOU PICK? i CHOOSE TARZAN OR WOLVERINE!

 6) DID THEY MAKE A ORIGIN EPISODE ABOUT THUNDARR?

7) ANY OF YOU READING THIS HAVE THE DVD SET?

8) WHAT BAND WOULD THUNDARR BE INTO? IRON MAIDEN , JUDAS PRIEST , OR BLACK SABBATH? OR WOULD HE BE A BLUE OYSTER CULT GUY? I THINK SABBS , THE CARTOON WAS KINDA DOOMY.

9) I CONTEMPLATE WITH MY LEFT HAND! THAT'S ALL THE GOOD Q'S I COULD COME UP WITH.

    I looked THUNDARR up on wikipedia and found some answers to these question. He was inspired by STAR WARS , THOR and KAMANDI and I think THUNDARR predates HE-MAN and I collected HE-MAN toys but the cartoon sucked , THUNDARR was way better! THUNDARR came out before the CONAN movie I think? And Jack Kirby worked on some of the designs for THUNDARR and THUNDARR was created by Steve Gerber , the man who created HOWARD THE DUCK and good 'ol Steve was a damn good writer. He dies in 2008 , so mega thanx to Steve Gerber for being such a creative kinda guy , writing great stories and contributing to some of my cherished moments and memories as a child!
    Looking at THUNDARR now it's still entertaining and everything about the show still holds up. The animation , music , voice actors are all great for a saturday morning cartoon. I would have liked to have seen THUNDARR decapitate a wizard , mutant , reptoid , or wolfguy. That woulda freaked me out when I was 8! Now , I get more enjoyment out of THUNDARR then the majority of movies coming out these days! THUNDARR was a cool dude and he says some kind of funny shit that probably went over my head when I was 10. Man , felt good to get this out and I hope you remember THUNDARR as fondly as I do. What was your fave cartoon in the early 80's? And if you remember SECTAURS and CRYSTAR , I will blog about them too! Okay , later , hope you read my blogs and leave a comment and the zombie issue of MONDO SLEAZO is coming soon. @rty

SNAPPING TURTLE COMICS! Get your comics here!

 Me and my good buddy Luciano have joked/talked/dreamt about opening up our own comic book store. It would be the coolest comic book store EVER!! We'd sell the best new comics and the best graphic novels and have back issues of comics from the 70's and 80's. We'd have oldschool arcade games like pac man and centipede and a coffee machine and make it a cool place for comic fans to chill and read comics and we'd be the coolest comic book store workers there ever were 'cos god knows people that work at comic book shops are JERKS!! I mean , I wanna set these people on fire and extinguish their burning bodies with .50 caliber machine fire! But that's me.

Wolvie agrees with me!