UNCANNY X-FORCE: The Apocalypse Solution

  Jeezus. Are comic books cool yet? Or is it cool to say that you like comics and then not read them? Cos' my new favorite comic book ( I really mean Porn Princess) is UNCANNY X-FORCE , (and by X-FORCE , I mean Scarlett Pain). And I've been reading UNCANNY X-FORCE comics so hard all nite my poor little hands hurt. (!?!?!?!?!?!)
    I read alot of comics and i read about comics and it seems like the majority of us are self hating comic book freak creeps! Since super heroes are for kids comic fans seem to dis on super heroes and pretend to like stuff like LOVE AND ROCKETS , MAUSE , HARVEY PEKAR or play it safe and stick with THE WATCHMEN  and DARK KNIGHT RETURNS and are all like , " He look , I'm reading non superhero books that are important pieces of work that assholes , dumb girls , and faggots might like , can I get laid now?" So fuck those comic book elitist ass eater , I'm down here in the trenches , I am like a kick ass version of Frodo Baggins reading books in the woods , or at subway , or under your little sisters bed with her panties tied around my head RAMBO style reading UNCANNY X-FORCE!!

    Those asshole aint got the time or the BALLZ to read UNCANNY X-FORCE! UNCANNY X-FORCE is made up of Wolverine , team leader , Deadpool , team clown/joker/bufoon , Psylocke , hot asian babe , Fantomex , badass , and Archangel , another deadly killer. And they fuck shit up and put the hurt on the bad guys before they can do it to them.
    This is the 2nd time I have read this and it's even better the second time around. Writer , Rick Remender is brilliant , he is Rock N' Roll personified and comes up with such great stories , really good dialogue without resorting to ripping off Quentin Tarantino movies or referencing pop culture , and trying to be constantly funny and witty. NO~~! Everything he does leads to making a A number 1 badass story.

    And artist Jerome Opena is a equally talented artist! He makes his drawings move and catches the point of action to where the drawings look like they are shimmering a bit on the page! I love this guy and I hope Marvel is treating him correct. They don't want this dude leaping to DC or Image , but I can see him going to DARKHORSE. It's easy to see how much effort he puts into his craft but makes it look so easy! I wish I could draw like him. There are alot of legendary comic book artists but Jerome Opena is truly a herald of the new breed of outstanding artists and should be noticed and commended.
    Plus these amazing covers by Esad Ribic!!! Are just phenomenal and these three working together is just guaranteed comic book greatness. But no one knows , no one knows! I mean , if you love comics like I love comics seeing this stuff just makes you feel better even through lifes daily bullshit! Somehow I still get excited for this stuff and that in itself makes me feel better and gives me hope.

     Hope for what , I really can't say but I love reading comics while listening to music and being alone in another world and the plane of UNCANNY X-FORCE is a place I can go where no one fucks with me and I can chill and be happy and where can you get that these days in this world. Give it a chance , trudge on down to your local library and get some UNCANNY X-FORCE. That's the easy part , hard part is giving in and letting yourself go into their world. It's a bit intimidating at first with all these characters you don't know but you'll slip into in no time. Do it for me because you may be a mean scared little human , but your my mean scared little human , and I love you. -Arty

A BREED APART (1984) VHS Review

    Who can deny the screen power of Rutger Hauer? Well , I did back in 1984 when A BREED APART came out on hbo. But I was a lil' snotnosed punk , what did I know?  I must have known him because of BLADERUNNER , by then. And you know all about BLADERUNNER but A BREED APART is about mountain climbing AND egg collecting....no WOW here.I found this tape at the Salvation Army for fiddy cents and Rutger Hauer looks like a badass on the cover! He looks like he could partner up with Mad Max , Snake Pliskin ,  Wolverine , or be The Punishers Vietnam war buddy. Or he could be the adversary of any of these characters. And he looks exactly the same in the movie as he does on the cover. And you guys love Rutger , right? I like every movie I have seen him in. There's something about him , something likeable , he's cool and mysterious and kinda crazy. He's so much more charasmatic than say Sam Worthington , channing Tatum , Vin Diesel , I even like him more than Marky Mark , Matt Damon , Van Damme and Russell Crow.

     So I watched A BREED APART and it was pretty good and mostly because of Rutger. He's a Vietnam vet and has a crossbow and has some crazy hair going on. He would have made a good BADGER if they had made a BADGER movie in the mid 80's. Plus Powers Booth , who is kind of a bad guy but kind of good but Powers is better when he's all bad like in EXTREME PREJUDICE. And we got good ol' donald Pleasance , a little titty action from Kathleen Turner and Brion James! I read up a bit on A BREED APART and there is a reason it comes off as uneven but it's too boring to go into in this review but there is a reason it is spotty in parts and anticlimactic. It has a decent action scene in the middle but the ending is just like , eh , here's a ending. Like a tv movie ending.

    If you are a Rutger Hauer fan I totally recommend this movie and I thought it was a rare find but I looked it up on amazon and it is a buck without shipping so it's there at a cheap price.

    Now , I'd like to hear from other Rutger fans and what you think of this movie if you've seen it and your fave Rutger Hauer movie besides BLADERUNNER. We all love it so no need to re-hash it. So let me know folks , I really wanna know~! /arty